Trump Sues Safeway Circular For False Ham Claims

WASHINGTON—In an escalation of his ongoing feud with the press, White House sources confirmed this week that President Donald Trump was suing the Safeway circular for false ham claims. “The deceptive Safeway flyer peddles lies about the dry and chewy Krakus Polish Honey Ham being both tender and juicy,” the president told reporters aboard Air Force One, explaining that he was seeking $20 billion in damages from the grocery coupon publication and its editor-in-chief for what he described as a “shocking hoax.” “The Safeway circular has treated me very badly. They say you can taste the homestyle difference, but you cannot, and there’s no way that ham can be $8.99 per pound after I brought grocery prices to an all-time low. However, that’s nothing compared to the horrendous ham prices we saw under Biden.” Trump added that he planned to launch a sales flyer of his own that would represent lunch meat without bias, spotlighting only succulent, hickory-smoked American hams.