“This little piggy went to market” is a promising start. It makes me want to know more: who is piggy, what does piggy want at the market, what are the obstacles in piggy’s way? It’s active, feels like a classic “Hero’s Journey.” (Thank God for Joseph Fucking Campbell, or I wouldn’t have any idea about this stuff.)
“This little piggy stayed home.” Okay, this is a little passive for me but I’m willing to give it a chance. Could be a nice contrast to our protagonist. (I assume the one going to market is our protagonist? If not, I don’t know why we’re leading with it in a cold open.) Housebound, so maybe they’re disabled? I say “they” but of course we both know the little piggy at home is singular. These gender-neutral pronouns are killing me. Anyway, I’m all for the DEI thing; they buy tickets too. Put “them” in a wheelchair, but make it one of those zoomy ones.
“This little piggy had roast beef” isn’t a lot to hang a character on. High cholesterol ≠ high drama. And now you have me thinking about a pig eating a cow, which isn’t exactly cannibalism but pretty goddamn weird. (Or is it a metaphor for a sex thing? Either way: ditto.) You’ve got a pig on a journey and one who’s housebound; give this one something better than a fucking sandwich. Some macguffin everyone is after. Or raise the emotional stakes: what if this little piggy had cancer?
“This little piggy had none.” Christ, if this is another wealth inequality take, I am going to goddamn scream. Poor is boring. I still don’t know what “Parasite” was supposed to be about, and I wouldn’t watch “Slumdog Millionaire” if you water-boarded me. But if you’re going for sad, fine. Sad is good, it’s emotional! As long as it’s not pathetic. (Great, now I can’t not see Paul Dano.) Make it sad AF. I mean sadder than “Old Yeller,” and that kid shot his fucking dog. Don’t half-ass this.
You lost me at “Wee wee wee…” Not much of a catch phrase, we can do better. And all the way home? Are we back with the disabled character stuck at home? You’ve completely lost your protagonist. You have an ensemble piece with five characters, and I really don’t care enough about any of them. Everyone needs some agency here. And what happens at the market? Is there a shooting or a bomb or ninjas? I’m just spit-balling here but something needs to happen there. It’s the destination, for fuck sake. Let’s also spin on some alt titles, yours is terrible. (Is “Bringing Home the Bacon” too on the nose?)
This needs more than a polish, but I’m willing to take a chance on you. I read “Old King Cole” when it made the Black List—brilliant, real “Succession” vibes . . . steal from the best! “Jack and Jill” took a dark turn, which I love, and I expect a huge opening B.O. for “Little Miss Muffet” with the indie horror crowd. Let’s roll up our sleeves on this one!
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I’m a screenwriter and producer, playwright, comic book author, former cartoonist, and now, a novelist. (I know: I need to focus.) I’ve sold features and pilots, events that expired with little fanfare, and have writer, producer, director, supervising producer and co-executive producer credits on all four networks, PBS, and numerous cable outlets including TNT, TBS, Nickelodeon, DisneyXD, Discovery, Syfy, History, A&E, as well as portable devices people stare at when they should be paying attention to the world around them. Whatever. PERSONAL: I love comic books, pugs, Polish vodka, Cape Cod, Richard Russo, “Winter’s Tale,” vintage cars, giant rabbits, and my wife.
