Sports fans everywhere are celebrating an incredible new policy that’s guaranteed to transform the game of basketball forever and usher in a new golden age for professional athletics: The WNBA has announced that when pregnant players score, it’s now worth double points!
Absolutely amazing! Basketball just got even more perfect than it already was!
The awesome new rule was announced by WNBA commissioner Cathy Engelbert in a press conference held this morning in front of an ecstatic crowd of WNBA fans who can’t wait to see pregnant players start racking up major point totals and to watch WNBA scores skyrocket into the 200- and even 300-point range.
“Pregnant players are shooting for two, and the scoreboard should reflect that,” Engelbert said while standing in front of a large billboard depicting a visibly pregnant basketball player dunking so hard that she shattered the backboard. “It just makes sense. If two people shot two basketballs into the basket, that would be four points, so if a pregnant person shoots one ball into the basket, it should also be four points because that’s two people, even though it’s just one basketball.” Engelbert then said that she would take questions, but nobody had any questions because everyone present understood the situation perfectly and there was nothing else to explain.
We can’t believe how exciting this is! If you’re not currently weeping tears of joy right now, you officially hate basketball!
Most sports experts and professors agree that the new rule is so logical that it is shocking it didn’t go into effect decades ago. When a pregnant player shoots a two-point basket, it counts for four points. Three-pointers are six points, and one-point free throws are now two points. Baskets scored by WNBA players who are pregnant with twins count for eight times the amount of points, and baskets scored by WNBA players pregnant with triplets count for 15 times as many points. Engelbert also pointed out that if three WNBA players were all pregnant and they all dunked three basketballs into one basket at the same time, it would count for 12 points, but if they weren’t pregnant it would be either more points or less points.
Engelbert went on to state that players who have just recently given birth will be permitted to carry their babies around with them on the basketball court, but the newborn babies will need to shoot the ball themselves in order for their contributions to count.
So cool! It’s safe to say that we’re entering a golden age for the WNBA. We can’t wait to see pregnant players racking up some major points going forward. This is a major victory for anyone who loves sports, and hands down the best news you’re going to read all week!
