Poor 3rd Grader Bullied For Using Generic EpiPen

ROANOKE, VA—As he struggled to discreetly administer the life-saving anaphylaxis treatment following a bee sting, local poor third-grader Mason Prewitt was reportedly bullied this week for using a generic EpiPen. “Oh my God, is that really your auto-injector, or did you just tape a sewing needle to a glue stick?” said classmate Lucas Hammond, who joined with several other children in waving their genuine EpiPens in Prewitt’s face as the boy jabbed the off-brand epinephrine-delivery device into his thigh. “It’s probably just filled with water. I wonder if it even stops your throat from closing, or if that costs extra. My parents would never send me to school without name-brand medication, but I guess that’s because they love me.” At press time, school officials unveiled plans to install a bench to honor Prewitt’s short life.