CEO Worried 23-Year-Old Only Into Him For His Keen Business Acumen

PHOENIX—In an intense bout of insecurity and wariness toward his partner’s superficial focus, Fortune 500 CEO William Freitag, 57, reportedly expressed concerns Thursday that the 23-year-old woman he was currently dating was only into him for his keen business acumen. “I’m trying not to let it get to me, but deep down I can’t help feeling she’s just like all the rest and only with me because she wants networking tips and access to my strong client base—a tale as old as time, really,” said the multimillionaire head of Summit Network Systems, expressing bitterness after dinner with the young office assistant, who he speculated was only seeing him as an excuse to pick his brain for financial advice and team leadership expertise. “Look, I’m not a sucker. I’m well aware she wouldn’t agree to be seen in public with me if I didn’t have my talent for negotiation and the respect of my clients. Women like that only have one thing on their minds: finding a guy who has increased operating revenues year over year for each of the past three fiscal quarters.” At press time, Freitag admitted he was only dating the woman for her comprehensive knowledge of Gracie Abrams’ discography.