Spotify has just announced that it is rolling out direct messages to all its subscribers as part of an effort to attract more users. Of course, it won’t take very long for people to slide into your DMs with these pickup lines.
You’re in my queue, but I’m skipping everything else to get to you first.
Let’s turn this up so loud that the HOA files a complaint.
I’ll stream your radio-friendly edit, but I’m downloading the explicit version.
You’re just like my favorite podcast because I could listen to you talk for hours.
I won’t make you wait through a 30-second dental plan ad. We’ll just skip to the good part.
I’m your Discover Weekly. I will never be what you asked for, but I will always be what you needed.
Hey! This is your forgotten playlist. One last spin for old time’s sake?
You must be a curated playlist, because someone clearly picked you just for me.
I won’t ghost you like your favorite song did after the record label got petty.
I’m like Spotify Wrapped. I only come once a year, but I make it loud and messy.
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J.K. Radomski is a Canadian freelance writer whose words have appeared in newspapers such as The Seattle Post-Intelligencer and The Rocky Mountain News, as well as a number of magazines and trade publications like The Hollywood Reporter. He enjoys one-hit-wonders from the ‘80s, binge watches a lot of TV, drinks Lagavulin, and contemplates the lives of pygmy marmosets in his spare time. Follow him on Twitter @tvwriter
