Trump Boys Beg Father To Let Them Keep Homeless Man As Pet

WASHINGTON—Running into several White House staff members as they tried to sneak their new friend inside, the Trump boys reportedly begged their father Tuesday to let them keep a homeless man they had found as a pet. “Please, Daddy, please can we keep our fuzzy buddy?” said Eric Trump, his visibly hopeful eyes widening as he and Donald Trump Jr. stroked the scraggly beard of a 75-year-old man they had found roaming the streets of D.C. alone. “We’ll take real good care of him, we promise. He’s really smart and already knows how to sit, shake, and where to do his business, so we think he may have lived with a different family before. And he comes when you call his name, see? Mark! Come here, Mark! Plus, he gives the best kisses. Come on, Daddy, how could anyone say no to this cute little furry face?” According to sources, the Trump boys later buried the homeless man on the South Lawn after forgetting to feed him.