“ABC pulls Jimmy Kimmel off air for Charlie Kirk comments after FCC pressure.” — New York Times
– – –
The FCC has long held that “the public interest is best served by permitting free expression of views.” But given recent events, we recognize there may be some confusion about what is actually allowed. We have added these guidelines for late-night hosts and other members of the traitorous left-wing media.
- Please don’t make any jokes that offend or contradict our viewers. By “viewers,” we mean our free-speech-championing president, who many people say deserves the Nobel Peace Prize. Late-night jokes shouldn’t be biting, critical, or funny. Jokes should be more like third wives — anodyne, mostly quiet, and on good terms with convicted pedophiles.
- Words you are encouraged to use: “woke,” “triggered,” “snowflake,” “vermin,” and “r-word” (also, any other words that begin with one letter and a hyphen).
- If you say anything negative about spurious free-speech provocateurs, you will be doxxed, harassed, and fired.
- If you suggest that anyone is using Charlie Kirk’s murder as a pretext to come for critics of the president, we will come for you. We will also delete the word “irony” from the dictionary.
We hope this clarifies things, snowflakes. (Now, that’s a good joke.) We look forward to watching Greg Gutfeld Live! on ABC later this fall.
