No One On ‘Pat McAfee Show’ Notices A.J. Hawk Dead For Last 3 Days

INDIANAPOLIS—With observers noting that the tragic development evidently has yet to affect the show’s content in any way, reports confirmed Monday that no one working at The Pat McAfee Show seems to have noticed that co-host A.J. Hawk has been dead for the last three days. “What’s-his-face has been dead since last week, but look, none of the other guys are even aware of it—Pat’s just going on about the Ravens’ run defense while the poor guy’s slumped over and decomposing in his chair,” longtime viewer Russell Barker said of Hawk’s bloated, putrefying corpse, acknowledging that the deceased talk show personality’s glassy, empty stare has grown even glassier and emptier since his passing. “You’d think someone would’ve picked up on the fact that he’s not blinking or moving, but Pat and the Toxic Table boys are cutting it up with Kirk Herbstreit like it’s a regular show. Or maybe they’re just tuning him out like they always do.” At press time, sources reported that a rat had begun gnawing on Hawk’s face as McAfee questioned whether Minnesota Vikings quarterback J.J. McCarthy would be able to adjust to pro-level pass rushes.