A stunning new discovery about the animal kingdom is currently making the rounds in the scientific community, and it’s guaranteed to be the most awesome thing you’ve read all week: Biologists have discovered that inserting a crisp $100 bill into a kangaroo’s pouch makes the kangaroo dispense $100 in quarters, but also kills it.
This is so interesting! Just when you think science can’t possibly get any more amazing, a stunning discovery like this comes along and shows us why science is literally the most amazing thing in the world.
The comprehensive study, published by an international team of zoologists and funded by Australia’s University of Melbourne, studied the effects of placing $100 bills in the pouches of over 40,000 kangaroos over the course of 15 years. Every single kangaroo whose pouch received a $100 bill immediately blasted out a shower of 400 quarters, then just as quickly fell over dead. The experiment is already being hailed as one of the most triumphant results in biological research this century!
“These finds are particularly exciting for anyone who is in the middle of the Australian wilderness, needs a massive amount of quarters as quickly as possible, and doesn’t care about kangaroos dying (or actively wants to kill kangaroos),” said Professor Hunter C. Church, one of the lead researchers on this project. “It’s also yet more evidence that kangaroos are one of nature’s most stunning organisms when it comes to squirting out a huge flood of change and then immediately dying.”
Professor Church went on to point that, in spite of the study’s overwhelming success, there are still several mysteries that remain to be solved, including why the kangaroos only accepted and dispensed U.S. currency, what evolutionary advantages the process of violently expelling a fountain of coins and then dying offers to kangaroos, and why many kangaroos dispensed between 30 and 100 quarters and then died just from looking at any depiction of Benjamin Franklin. However, Professor Church said he was confident that scientists would be able to learn the answer to these and many more questions after just a few more decades of research.
“There will always be further work to do,” Professor Church said. “But every time a kangaroo’s belly erupts into a flood of quarters as the kangaroo screams and then dies is a victory for science.”
Well, it’s official: If you don’t think science is the most wonderful thing in the universe, you are a monster. We can’t wait to learn more about how and why kangaroos are able to make change for $100 bills. It’s awesome that the kangaroos make coins, it’s fascinating that this kills them, and it’s beautiful that scientists from all over the world were able to work together to make this discovery. Once again, in the battle between science and ignorance, science is the undisputed champion!
