‘You Think You Can Talk About Our Dad That Way?’ Scream Trump Boys, Beating TV With Bat

WASHINGTON—Cracking their knuckles and demanding they receive a “papology [sic], or else,” Eric Trump and Donald Trump Jr. reportedly yelled, “You think you can talk about our dad that way?” Wednesday before beating their TV with a baseball bat. “Hey Eric, this TV thinks it can say a bunch of real bad stuff about Dad and get away with it—let’s show it who’s boss,” said Don Jr., the older of the Trump boys, who, after doing different karate chops and threatening to go “get [his] Nerf Mega blaster,” took out a Wiffle ball bat, raised it above his head, and proceeded to hit the LG 50-inch flat-screen TV as hard as he could. “Our dad is the strongest, bestest, coolest dad of all time, do you hear me? And if you don’t shut up, Eric is going to pick you up and throw you on the ground, and then I’ll pull my pants down and sit on you until you buttsplode [sic]!” At press time, both Eric and Don Jr. could reportedly be heard sobbing because a broken TV meant that neither of them could watch Monster Jam.