There’s some serious denial going on in this Boston-area Chipotle, and folks, it is hard to watch. Meet one of the most self-deluded people you’ll ever read about: This man ordered a burrito bowl instead of a burrito as if turning down tortillas will give him cum gutters.
God, it’s just so depressing to see someone lie to themselves like this. Poor guy.
In a pathological case of self-deceit, Ralph Ingrassia, 38, chose to order a burrito bowl for lunch after convincing himself of the health benefits that come with…not eating one tortilla? It’s clear from this decision that Ralph is living in a fantasy world of his own design, because only someone severly deluded could think that going sans-tortilla would make the difference between him developing a beer belly and him ending up with lower abdominal lines so well-defined they appear to be diagonally pointing towards his genitals. How Ralph put himself under the spell of this total misconception is anyone’s guess, but it’s definitely not because he heard about someone who developed V-line abs that naturally draw the eye to their crotch by consuming every part of a burrito except the tortilla. Because that’s never, ever happened.
“Wow, by opting out of a tortilla, I’ll be cutting enough carbs and calories from this meal to get perfect, chiseled cum gutters,” Ralph probably told himself as he resisted the very normal and natural urge to order a regular burrito wrapped in a big flour tortilla, which, deep down, he knows tastes so much better than a flavor-castrated burrito bowl. “I’m going to thank myself for making this healthy decision when I wake up tomorrow to see I have cum gutters instead of a stomach that overhangs my pants.”
Get real, Ralph…a tortilla isn’t what’s standing between you and Brad Pitt’s Fight Club physique. Just eat the tortilla.
Thanks to Ralph’s supremely naive imagination, a nearby landfill is going to get one disposable bowl and utensil bigger, and that is literally the only effect his choosing a burrito bowl over a burrito is going to have on anyone or anything in the entire world—including his dreams of cum gutter abs. So enjoy that burrito bowl, Ralph. We know the pelican that chokes to death on the plastic fork you ate it with will be really proud of you for putting your body first when making your Chipotle order. You fucking fool.
