Trump Attends Dogfighting Match – The Onion

LAS VEGAS—Speaking enthusiastically about what he called “a beautiful sport,” President Donald Trump attended a match Monday for the Ultimate Dogfighting Championship. “That’s it, bite his throat! Bite his throat!” said Trump, who sat next to podcaster Joe Rogan in the front row, greeting celebrities such as Mark Wahlberg, Guy Fieri, and Shaquille O’Neal and watching with uncontained glee as a lineup of abused pit bulls and other breeds fought to the death behind a chain-link enclosure. “It’s incredible what these bull terriers can do,” the president added. “The unbridled aggre-ssion on display is truly something to behold. These dogs are out for blood, and I respect their savage lust for violence. More Americans should be like these brutal beasts.” After the match, Trump reportedly invited the winner of the night’s main event, Turbo, to visit him at the White House for a tour of the Oval Office.