Victor Wembanyama Reports To Training Camp Having Added 25 Pounds Of Hair

SAN ANTONIO—Demonstrating his commitment to entering the season in peak physical form, Spurs center Victor Wembanyama reported to training camp Monday having packed on 25 pounds of dense, towering hair. “The coaching staff wanted me to bulk up over the offseason, and growing tons of hair was the best way to put on weight without affecting my agility,” said Wembanyama, flaunting the colossal, 3-foot-tall mass of hair, which functionally brings his height up to 10-foot-3 and greatly improves his vertical reach and defensive utility. “I have to use a lot of shampoo now, but I think this hair weight will really allow me to take my game to the next level. I can probably set a screen on an entire defense just by shaking my head around. I can block shots I’m not even looking at.” At press time, witnesses marveled as the all-star used his hair to tip a half-court lob directly into the basket.