When we think about people confessing their deepest, darkest secrets, it’s usually really bad stuff, right? The sort of thing that might land you in prison, or at least with a very large fine.
However, it turns out that the things that play on our minds are not all that serious, which makes us seem like pretty good humans after all.
Over on the AskUK subreddit, user SpaceTimeCapsule89 got people talking about this. They asked ‘Do you have something you really want to own up to and get off your chest?’ and followed it up with their own example:
At primary school, I was sitting at the table and looked down and saw a pair of pants lying on the floor. I thought, oh my god they’re mine! I checked to make sure my pants were still on. They were, but I realised I must have left yesterday’s pants in my school trousers rolled up or something and they fell out.
Tried to kick them towards me without attracting attention but a boy saw them and shouted ‘There’s a pair of pants on the floor!’ This girl who was a bit mean said they belonged to another girl. Everyone started saying they were her pants and she began crying.
I couldn’t admit to them being mine but also couldn’t let this other girl take the blame. So I said to everyone that my sister likes to play pranks and must have stuck them to my school bag or something. My sister was a good sport and took the blame to save my arse from embarrassment. She was two years above me.
I can’t be the only one something so mortifying has happened to?!
And it turns out they weren’t, not by a long shot.
1.
‘When I was about 12 my family went on holiday with another family. During the trip I accidentally pulled a fixture off the wall and didn’t own up to it. I probably would have once an adult discovered it, but then my mum declared that it must have been one of the other family’s kids, because she knew HER children were very honest. After that it felt impossible to confess.
Occasionally my family still joke about the naughty lying kids in the other family and I’ve NEVER ADMITTED IT.’
–swansw9
2.
‘When I was eight I was bridesmaid for my cousin. My dress had handmade flowers attached to the hem made out of wire and paper that kept getting caught on things. During the reception I ran past the bride (on my way to the buffet table, probably) and felt one of the flowers snag on the sheer, lacy overlay of her dress.
About half an hour later I walked in on my cousin in tears because her dress had been torn and various relatives debating who among the guests was enough of a monster that they’d have ripped her dress and not owned up.
It was generally agreed that the groom’s notoriously twattish brother was probably responsible and I never dared confess.’
–ossifiedbird
3.
‘When I was maybe 14 or so, my art class spent ages trying to figure out what tap or pipe was making an intermittent creaking noise. It was my Muppet Babies keyboard I had in my backpack and every time it moved, it made a noise.
Why was it in my bag? I’m sure I had my reasons. Most likely to humiliate my older brother who learned how to play the first Aqua album on that keyboard. With two fingers. I was the pipe noise and nobody needed a plumber – I was just rubbish at taking the piss out of my brother.’
–whatsername235
4.
‘This was when I was 10 years old at scout camp. They made us have nightcaps in the main hut before bed, which is something I wasn’t used to. And they didn’t let you go back to your tent until you drank every last drop. So, of course, I pissed myself on the first night.
It was still dark when I woke up and I removed my florescent green underpants and flung them as far as I could into the trees. At the campfire during breakfast, the scout leader shows up with a long stick with my pants at the end of it, waving it around like flag. FML.’
–TailFinder
5.
‘There was this trend a few years ago about reminding young adults that they have ‘free will’. It was just for silly things like standing on the dining room table or pouring your coffee all over the floor just because you can.
I clearly had one braincell operating at the time, but I took a shit on the bathroom floor just because I could.’
–tulipa_labrador
6.
‘Shot my friend in the leg with an air pistol we liberated off his dad (who was the local weed dealer). I pretended it was an accident, but I really did it on purpose because I wanted to see if it hurt but I’m obviously not kneecapping myself. We were about 12 at the time I think.’
–Suddendeath777
7.
‘Used to buy six Krispy Kreme donuts and just put them in the box designed for three. I’m boring and only eat the glazed ones so all 6 just fit perfectly without being crushed.’
–Sakers92
8.
‘Once stole a book from primary school. I really liked it and didn’t want to return it so I just said I had, but I hadn’t. No idea what happened to it though. Terrible! Didn’t even look after my stolen goods! But it was a great book.’
–BiscuitCrumbsInBed
9.
‘I was 10 and was at my great aunt’s house and saw £30 sitting on the dresser. I assumed she just had enough money to leave lying around and so I took it. Used the money to buy make up at The Body Shop. When my mum found the make up I lied and said I’d been saving up for it.
Turns out the cash was left out intentionally for the window washer and I later found out she was very distraught it was gone and thought a handyman was stealing from her.’
–Dorothea-Sylith
10.
‘Not me but my dad. When he was 14 or 15 he took his dad’s car out and scraped the entire side of the car. Came home, parked up and didn’t say anything.
The next day his older brother took it out and wrote it off – never admitted anything to his parents or his brother who got chewed out obvs. Not sure if maybe he did other damage to the car which made it unsafe (but if he did, that’s part of the story he has never admitted to me).’
–Elegant-Pin9106
