Is there anything more delicious or comforting or satisfying than a piece of hot buttered toast? Not really. But the act of creating that perfect slice is trickier than it should be, due to the fact that toasters seem to be universally a bit rubbish.
The quest for the best way to crisp bread has been on the minds of the good people of the AskUK subreddit recently, after user NeilJonesOnline asked the salient question ‘Why are toasters so primitive?’ and followed up with this…
How come toasters haven’t really evolved in 75+ years? I get that technology can reach maturity, but let’s face it, I don’t think toasting tech has peaked yet – whether you spend £10 for an Argos special or hundreds on a trendy Dualit, you still basically get a wire heating element with a timer which randomly toasts, dries or burns different patterns on slices of bread.
Sure, I get that’s good enough for many people and some people are never going to want to spend hundreds of £ on something decked out with moisture sensors, ceramic heating plates and what-not, but most other everyday items I can think of have embraced technology a bit more than the humble toaster seems to have, so why aren’t there more advanced options?
And it turns out that a lot of people have a lot of important thoughts on toasters, toasting and the tragic lack of development in that area, like these…
1.
‘What improvements are needed? It’s literally toasted bread.’
–BaBaFiCo
2.
‘Well for starters, I’d like it to be:
Toasted evenly across the surface
Toasted the same on both sides
Toasted the same in both slots
Toasted consistently, regardless of whether it’s the first slice of the day in a cold toaster, or I’m toasting one slice straight after another
Toasted consistently, regardless of whether it’s a freshly-opened loaf or a two-day old one.’
–NeilJonesOnline
3.
‘I’d pay good money for a toaster that actually fitted the bread you buy in the shop, and evenly toasted it.’
–rossburton
4.
‘I own the worst toaster in the UK it will:
– Not fit normal sized bread
– Burn the toast (1)
– Not even scorch the bread (on the same settings as 1)
– WILL NOT FIT A CRUMPET
– No crumb tray.
–Speshal__
5.
‘Pretty certain a UK toaster that can’t fit a crumpet doesn’t meet the legal definition of a toaster.’
–KDulius
6.
‘When I last bought a toaster, I cut a template out of cardboard that was the size and shape of the bread I like so I could check it would definitely fit!’
7.
‘My biggest gripe is why haven’t they figured out that the slots need to be slightly longer than the bread? It really shouldn’t be that hard to find out the size of the largest slice of commercially available bread then widen the slot accordingly.’
–DoctorWhofan789eywim
8.
‘You forgot the staple of the Travelodge and Premier Inn….
The conveyor toaster! If that isn’t a useless bit of product innovation then I don’t know what is!’
–Swimming_Possible_68
9.
‘Was staying at a hotel with one of these and some fucking idiot put cream cheese and jam on their untoasted bagel, then put the bagel cut side down onto the toaster’s chains.
The bagel welded to the chain and after three times round or so caught fire. Fire alarms went off, sprinklers kicked in, and we were all ushered outside. Next thing we know, all the hotel guests and staff are stood outside in the pissing rain for 40 minutes.’
–knight-under-stars
10.
‘Just you wait. You’ll regret posting this when they start to talk.’
–T_raltixx
11.
”Howdy doodly do. How’s it going? I’m Talkie, Talkie Toaster, your chirpy breakfast companion. Talkie’s the name, toasting’s the game. Anyone like any toast?”
–practicalcabinet
