“Your parents keep such a clean and tidy house. You’d never know they have kids.”
“No thanks, I’ve seen enough YouTube. It’s a little passé at this point.”
“Why don’t we pitch in and do our dishes while we’re here to show our appreciation for your parents’ hospitality?”
“The more I learn about sex, the more I think that keeping my virginity until marriage is the most sensible option.”
“Someone set a timer so that we don’t accidentally spend an excessive amount of time playing video games.”
“I wish my mom were as talented a chef as yours. The way she defrosts these Hot Pockets is unparalleled.”
“Have you guys started the social studies project that’s due next week? Me neither. Let’s get to work on it now.”
“Sometimes I think our manners could use some work. Does anyone want to sign up for cotillion with me?”
“Your mom and dad are so stylish. I really appreciate the effort they put into their appearance by putting on their nicest sweatpants before we come over.”
“Can I check the fridge real quick for some raw vegetables to munch on?”
“Let’s keep our voices down so that we don’t disturb anyone.”
“Yeah, I know it’s a little early to start thinking about college, but I’m only planning to apply to ones that are affordable for my parents. I can’t imagine anything more ridiculous than picking a school because I’m a fan of its football team.”
“Your younger sibling is a delight. Let’s make sure they know they’re welcome to join in our camaraderie any time.”
“Have we remembered to brush our teeth?”
“Your parents are so cool and quick-witted. I guess what people say is true—it’s impossible to make fun of elder millennials.”
“Huh, I rolled a 6 and a 7 on these dice, and our game scores came out to 41, 69, and 420. What unremarkable numbers.”
“Ten o’clock already! Let’s get to bed. You know how important sleep is at our age.”
