1. There’s a turkey neck situation.
2. Is it four thousand degrees in the kitchen, or is it just you?
3. You love your family, but you also wish they’d leave you alone so you can watch Gilmore Girls and eat mashed potatoes.
4. You’re so bloated that you feel like a float in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade.
5. Something that should be moist is instead very, very dry.
6. You’ve been obsessively trying to prepare for it, but who knows what will actually happen.
7. The placemats your kid made in kindergarten are making you tear up.
8. You need to go to an Orangetheory class for your own sanity.
9. There are tender breasts and big, meaty thighs.
10. You fall asleep on the couch at 4 p.m., then you’re wide awake at 3 a.m.
11. You swear you didn’t eat that much, but you look like you’re about five months pregnant, which you definitely are not. Or wait. Could you be?
12. There’s a bloodied history.
13. You’re debating whether to go the all-natural, hormone-free route or to just go for the hormones.
14. You’re not sure why you just walked into the kitchen.
15. For some reason, you are enraged about yams.
16. You spend a lot of time trying to keep skin from getting dry.
17. You hurt your neck and shoulder chopping onions.
18. No one really knows when it will end.
19. The turkey has been in the oven for six hours and is burnt on the outside, but somehow is still raw on the inside.
1–18: Both
19: Thanksgiving
