Dear parents,
We are thrilled to have your child on our summer baseball team. We have a few apps we use to help keep things organized around here, so parents, players, and coaches are all on the same page.
First, you’ll need to register for TeamSplinter. Be sure to use the team code, which is W&TGHG7896M. If that doesn’t work, try GIOUGKJHT()(&^^*666. If that doesn’t work, try rebooting your router. Actually, you know what, just ask your kid to show you how to do it.
Next, please make sure you’re on GameUpdater because TeamSplinter won’t display the score. We have state-of-the-art fields, lights, and bleachers, but for some reason, we don’t have functioning scoreboards. After you download GameUpdater, find the name of our team, the name of our opponent, and then enter your child’s date of birth, their blood type, and the locations of any known birthmarks to log in.
You’ll also want to download SportsYouth to communicate with the parents of team members. Many of the games require your child to arrive at 4:30 p.m., even though you need to work until 5 p.m. SportsYouth is perfect for messaging other parents and begging them to carpool with you.
Let’s not forget SportsBudget, which lets you calculate how the hell you managed to spend $3,500 in one year on sports leagues, sports equipment, and Gatorade, a drink your child insists they absolutely need even though there is a perfectly good water fountain in the dugout.
HYDRATE will help you assess your child’s optimum hydration level. It pairs well with SportsBudget.
Consider subscribing to CleatSeeker, which allows you to search for new and gently used cleats in your area.
P-UMP is a digital tool you can use to complain about the umpires making unfair calls against your child and their teammates. This app is an excellent alternative to yelling at umpires during games or menacingly following them to their car after games.
Many patents will find PlaySports helpful too. Yes, TeamSplinter will tell you where the game is, but it won’t tell you exactly how to get there. Apple Maps, Google Maps, and Waze will all get it wrong. Once you arrive at the location, there’s a hidden driveway, and you’ll need to know which of the thirty-six fields your team is playing on. If you want to forgo PlaySports, you’ll spend forty-five minutes looking for the correct field. If you get lost, you can message another team parent using SportsYouth, because PlaySports does not have a messaging function.
PRSNT (pronounced “present”) is the app you’ll need if you want to watch a live stream of the game when you can’t be there in person. We’re not sure why you even have a child if you can’t make it to three games and two practices a week, but it’s fine. PRSNT can help assuage some of your guilt.
Cluster is the app that coaches will use to film the game and then play back the video in slow motion, allowing your child to analyze everything they did wrong during the game.
If your kid is feeling down after watching the slow-motion playback, BetterYouth will provide one-on-one sports psychology on demand. We have partnered with BetterYouth to offer team members a discounted rate. For one hundred dollars a month, you can get access to unlimited pep talks. If that is not in your budget (according to SportsBudget), we recommend downloading the free LASSO app, which will provide you with the best quotes from Ted Lasso.
Noncussed is the app you’ll use to evaluate whether or not your child has a concussion. It is not a substitute for a trip to the emergency room but can be a handy precursor to one.
TrophyBot is the app we use to create awards, certificates, and trophies for the team. If you download the app, you can also create personalized awards for your child, like “Most Well-Hydrated.”
It’s essential for your child to watch as many games as possible when they are not playing. SportsWorld will help you figure out which streaming platform each professional team’s game is on. Be prepared to subscribe to at least three new streaming services you’ve never heard of before.
COOP will help you plan a trip to Cooperstown, New York, home of the Baseball Hall of Fame. You’ll be going there eventually, whether you want to or not.
We assume you already have SportsCal, which ensures all the above apps stay in sync with one another. But they still won’t sync with iCal for some reason.
You might also want to have Grubhub, since you won’t get home from summertime games until after 9 p.m., at which point you’re too hot and tired to cook anything.
If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to send a message to the coaches. But don’t use SportsYouth, that’s only for contacting parents. You’ll need to use COACHAPP. There is a different team code for COACHAPP. Once you sign up for TeamSplinter, you’ll have access to it.
Sincerely,
The Coaches
