Not sure if you’re clinically depressed or just cursed to roam the night in a blur of unwilling, guilt-inducing violence?
You’re not alone. Take this quick quiz to find out — and check your results below!
- When I see the sun go down, I _______.
(1) Admire nature’s beauty.
(2) Think about what to watch on television.
(3) Experience inexplicable headaches.
(4) Fear that I may cause harm to myself or others.
- When I look at my body in the mirror, I think _______.
(1) Working out has really paid off!
(2) Belly buttons are weird.
(3) Where did these scratch marks come from?
(4) I’m a monster unworthy of love.
- At a party, I’m most likely _______.
(1) Cutting a rug.
(2) Just trying to blend in by the bookshelf.
(3) Emotionally connecting with the host’s dog.
(4) Blacking out.
- I typically wake up feeling _______.
(1) Like a million bucks!
(2) Meh, but coffee helps.
(3) Disoriented and sore with no appetite for breakfast.
(4) Like only half a human being.
- My perfect day would include _______.
(1) Beach, beer, and besties.
(2) A classic horror film and my weighted blanket.
(3) Boarding up all my windows and doors.
(4) Just feeling like myself again.
If you scored 12 points or more, you may be suffering from depression. Werewolves aren’t real.
But your feelings are. Talk to someone.
And yeah, we agree, it would’ve been cooler if it was the werewolf thing.
- About the Author
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Hunter Gardner is a writer and comedian in Brooklyn. In addition to Weekly Humorist, his humor articles have also been published on McSweeney’s and Points In Case, among others. He has been a featured storyteller on PBS WORLD Channel’s Stories From The Stage and regularly produces sketch comedy with Hatched Media. He’s fun at parties but also loves to leave parties.
