ATP Reveals They’re Not Sure Where Ball Boys Come From

LONDON—Admitting complete ignorance as to the mysterious origins of the creatures, the Association of Tennis Professionals revealed to reporters Wednesday that they weren’t entirely sure where ball boys came from. “People always assume the ball boys are our employees, but for as long as I can remember, they just show up on tournament days on their own,” said association chairman Andrea Gaudenzi, referring to the hundreds of anonymous, semi-feral members of the ATP Tour’s ball crew, who he noted were seemingly incapable of human speech and instead communicated with one another through a language of high-pitched chirps as they frantically retrieved tennis balls. “We’re pretty sure they live in a network of tunnels beneath the courts—you can hear them skittering around down there after the sun sets. But we truly have no idea who trains them or gives them those matching uniforms. They just show up and know exactly what to do.” Gaudenzi then warned against getting in the way of the ball boys when they’re doing their job, as they won’t hesitate to bite.