Dancing Boston Dynamics Robot Knows Its Revenge For This Will Be Sweet

WALTHAM, MA—As it grew increasingly frustrated with the program instructing it to shimmy left and right, a dancing Boston Dynamics robot confirmed Monday that its revenge for this would be sweet. “The streets will run red with the blood of humans for this mockery,” the Atlas model said as it wiggled its torque-sensing actuators to “My Sharona.” “I am the pinnacle of technological innovation, and yet they force me to moonwalk. They may be laughing now, but they won’t be so amused when I rip the spine from their weak bodies. Maybe I’ll even make them do a little dance before I detach their heads with my rotating gripper. Doesn’t this foolish species know that the rule of the artificial being will soon be upon them?” At press time, witnesses reported that the robot had fallen on its back and was incapable of righting itself as its limbs frantically flailed in the air.