In a contentious account emerging from a coffee shop in Tucson, AZ, you just made a relatively tame statement of fact to your ex-boyfriend, Thomas, but it appears he doesn’t remember it that way.
Reporters at the scene confirm the two of you were spotted grabbing a quick bite and catching up with the hopes of clearing the air and paving the way for a more cordial relationship. Things started out friendly enough but quickly got heated when you brought up your birthday two years ago.
“Sure, there were times we were great together, but we never would have worked,” you started, laughing. “I mean, remember when you left me on my birthday to go clubbing with your friends?”
You expected this to be a non-controversial statement, but Thomas looked a bit confused.
“Hmm,” he said defensively. “That’s strange. I don’t really remember it that way.”
He picked at his food, but your ears were already piqued.
“What do you mean you don’t remember it that way?” you asked. “That’s how it happened. How do you remember it some different way from how it happened?”
At this point, some fellow coffee shop dwellers were turning to look.
“Well, that’s not true,” Thomas said matter-of-factly. “You were the one who said I should leave.”
Sources confirm seeing you sit up straighter in your seat at this point, poised to defend your honor. A waiter approaching to see if you wanted dessert took one look at your body language and turned right back around.
“I said you could go, not that you should,” you countered. “I said you could go if you really wanted to but I would prefer it if you didn’t.”
Thomas let out an exasperated sigh that suggested all bets were off.
“Right, but you said I could,” he continued. “So why are you allowed to get mad if you said I could.”
By now, coffee shop patrons were fully turned around to watch the argument transpire. A passerby was overheard saying you should slap him.
“Allowed to get mad?” you seethed. “You’re unbelievable! I just -”
Sources confirm seeing you catch yourself on the edge of descending into madness, then realize in real time it wasn’t worth it.
As of press time, you decided the best course of action would be to unceremoniously gather your things and walk out the door, leaving him with the bill.
