Exclusive Soup Kitchen Offers Free Meals By Invite Only

OLYMPIA, WA—Sitting back to savor the 10-course broth-based haute cuisine, guests at the Northwest Community Center told reporters Tuesday they were thrilled to dine at the organization’s exclusive soup kitchen, which offers free meals by invite only. “Everyone on the streets wants to get in here, and I can’t believe I finally get to try their curated presentations of soup in unexpected forms,” said local homeless man Richard Margiotta, adding that he appreciated the charity’s dedication to helping those in need access a pretentious, high-end soup experience. “I had to DM them on Instagram months in advance to even be considered for a table, and luckily they found me worthy of their avant-garde tasting menu after realizing I’m a big shot among the impoverished. You have to know people to get this tablespoon of aerated vichyssoise served on an oversized plate. There are guys who have been living in the biggest shelters for years still waiting for an invite. Everyone knows that spherified gazpacho topped with fried corn silk tastes even better when you haven’t eaten in days.” Sources also reported that the soup kitchen features a chef’s table where the most important guests can watch staff argue as they prepare the meal.