Giants Players Horrified To Learn Uniforms Have Names On Back

ARLINGTON, TX—Panicking at the realization that their personal reputations had been directly tied to the team’s dismal performance in recent years, several members of the New York Giants were reportedly horrified to learn before Sunday’s game that their uniforms have their names on the back. “Wait…so the millions of people watching on national television can see who I am?” said wide receiver Malik Nabers, scrambling to pull a hoodie over his jersey so as not to have his name associated with a historically awful Giants team coming off a 3-14 season. “Oh God, this is a nightmare. I thought we were anonymous out there. Like, I told my family I play for the Chiefs. This is bad—really, really bad.” At press time, sources confirmed that multiple players were rushing to the equipment staff demanding blank jerseys with no names on the back.