Sure, voodoo dolls are great, and can be effective; but let’s face it, they’re just so passé! At Hex Your Ex!, we can expand your revenge playing field to a level will leave bystanders vomiting into their trendy backpacks!
Here is but a sampling!
Boils
Boils boils boils! We have boils out the wazoo, which means that your ex could soon as well! A cluster of boils peppered among the folds of your former paramours labia? Did seventeen of those last Wednesday. A huge, glistening boil emerging gradually over the span of a big video conference with corporate? One of our specialties.
Curses!
Whether you want every sneeze from Steve Bannon’s pockmarked nose to be magically be teleported to your ex’s face and mouth, or a rare strain of HPV that causes large patches of crusty skin that smell like expired ranch dressing, we have you covered (and your ex covered… with stinky, weird skin, amiright!?).
Teleportation
As referenced above, we have developed the magical ability to teleport things! Most magic, from the rabbit in the hat to the assistant in the box or David Copperfield disappearing a naked female fan as his wife enters the room, is teleportation. And we can teleport anything, anywhere! A handful of agitated scorpions nestled into the rectum of an ex? The aromatic essence of a poorly run nursing home laundry hamper teleported into the mouth of a deceitful lover? Please challenge us, we want nothing more than to show off in front of you!
Voodoo RealDoll
Okay, yeah, not an actual magical occult item, that’s true. But dammit, planning otherworldly revenge on one’s ex can at times be a lonely existence.
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Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence
