When Mark, 35, discovered his wife had been hiding $55,000 in credit card debt and $33,000 in student loans for their entire 10-year marriage, he was stunned. She said she hadn’t meant to lie, but that she didn’t know how to tell him once the balances started snowballing.
Mark and his wife are committed to each other, she’s deeply sorry for the lies and they’ve decided to try to move forward and tackle this together. But they’re feeling a bit overwhelmed and don’t know where to start. What do they do?
With the average American carrying around $6,450 in credit card debt and typical student loan balances hovering between $29,550 (for bachelor’s degrees) and over $100,000 (for graduate degrees), their debt situation, although extreme, is more common than one might think.
The good news is that there are plenty of structured strategies that can help for these types of situations. Here’s how the pair can rebuild their financial health.
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1. Start with professional external guidance
Before creating a spreadsheet or diving into payment strategies, couples in this situation should consider talking to a therapist or relationship counselor. To move forward with honesty, you both need to understand why she felt the need to lie about this. That will be hard, but getting to the root of this issue will ensure you’re not landing back in the same situation ten years from now.
From there, reach out to a debt professional. A nonprofit credit counselor can help create a debt management plan, which combines credit card payments into one monthly bill, often with reduced interest rates. This can make the debt feel more manageable and free up mental space to focus on other financial goals. To find a trusted counselor, they can start with the National Foundation for Credit Counseling.
A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can also provide a more holistic perspective, helping them balance debt repayment with saving for retirement, emergencies or future goals. Some CFPs offer hourly or one-time sessions, making them accessible even to couples just starting their financial recovery. Working with a professional, even briefly, could help them build a plan they both feel confident about.
2. Prioritize credit card debt first
Credit card debt should be the first target when tackling a large, mixed-debt load, especially when it carries high interest rates. While student loans often come with lower, fixed interest rates (often around 7%), credit card interest can be well above 20%. That means balances can grow quickly if left unchecked. To tackle this effectively, there are two time-tested strategies.
The debt avalanche method says to pay off the highest-interest debt first while continuing to make minimum payments on all other debts. Using it, Mark and his wife would save the most interest over time. For example, if one card has a 24% APR (annual percentage rate) and another 17%, they’d pay as much as they can toward the 24% one first.
The debt snowball method focuses on paying off the smallest balances first, regardless of interest rates. The idea is to gain momentum and motivation with early “wins.” Seeing a balance disappear could be emotionally rewarding and keep them engaged in the process.
If her credit score allows, a balance transfer card or a debt consolidation loan might help reduce interest in the short term, but only if they’re committed to not adding new debt.
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3. Build a realistic household budget
The couple will need a specific, clear budget that includes shared goals and debt repayment. Agreeing on categories, like housing, groceries, debt and savings, creates transparency and mutual responsibility.
They should set up joint tracking tools (like apps or spreadsheets) and schedule monthly check-ins to stay aligned. Pairing budget discipline with open communication can rebuild trust, too.
4. Leverage student loan strategies
Student loan debt offers flexibility with options like refinancing or IDR (income-driven repayment) plan enrolment, which ties monthly payments to income, sometimes as low as $0 for low earners.
With about 44 million Americans holding student debt totaling over $1.7 trillion, these tools are crucial. Depending on the loan type and forgiveness eligibility (like Public Service Loan Forgiveness), this could ease short-term financial pressure and free up more of their household income to aggressively pay down high-interest credit card debt first, where every extra dollar makes a bigger impact.
5. Create shared financial goals and accountability
To avoid a similar future situation, Mark and his wife can set shared goals like saving for an emergency fund, a family trip or home improvements. This transparent communication can help to prevent resentment and reinforce teamwork.
For example, automating transfers, such as sending a fixed amount toward debt right after payday, would help keep them disciplined, while celebrating milestones, like when credit card debt drops below $20,000, creates momentum and unity.
Debt doesn’t have to define their future. With openness, strategy and patience, Mark and his wife can not only pay off their debt, they can rebuild a stronger relationship along the way.
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This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.
