“It’s difficult,” says Khadija ‘Bunny’ Shaw. “Sometimes you have to take a step back and think about you and your mental health because if you’re not in a good place you won’t be able to perform. I wasn’t in a good place. It was about more than what happened in that match. There’s a lot that people didn’t and don’t know about.”
Shaw is speaking for the first time about her decision to withdraw from Manchester City’s League Cup semi-final against Arsenal in February, four days after she had suffered horrific racist abuse following a 4-3 loss against the same side in the Women’s Super League. Manchester City said they were “appalled” and reported the matter to the police.
“It was pretty scary to some extent,” adds Shaw, the WSL top scorer in the past two seasons. “But I’m lucky enough to have my family, my friends and those that care about me close. They’ve been there and supported me and helped me throughout that tough period.”
The Jamaica international wants to see more done to protect players, particularly female players, who don’t have the same levels of security or representatives to run social media accounts for them as male players do.
“There needs to be a lot more accountability as well because we can only talk for so much,” says Shaw. “We can do our actions on the pitch but if it’s the same cycle of abuse over and over again then they’ll feel they can always get away with it. We need the higher-ups to do something about it because otherwise year on year on year we’re going to see more of the same.”
Shaw, the human at the centre of the storm, is not ready to talk about the details of what she faced or where her head was at, and there should be no pressure on her to ever have to do so. Sitting at a table set up on the astro of City’s indoor pitch, Shaw shares the frustration that the onus is on her, or Jess Carter, or other Black players, to speak up on racism. “It’s not right,” she says. “There was more to it all than what the vast majority knew and, when I have time and when it’s right, I’m definitely going to speak on it. For now I just want to focus on the season and the first game.”
Ambitions for the new season are high. Last campaign, with a disappointing City side crippled by injuries and a little rudderless, Gareth Taylor was sacked on the eve of four back-to-back games against the eventual treble winners, Chelsea. City’s former manager Nick Cushing stepped in but they finished trophyless and fourth in the WSL table, one point behind Manchester United, missing out on Champions League qualification.
Andrée Jeglertz, who was in charge of Denmark at the Euros, is the coach charged with guiding them through their next phase. Sometimes change, regardless of what it is, is needed. “100%,” says Shaw. “You find that we have energy we didn’t have before. For whatever reason, I don’t understand why. The energy has definitely been different and definitely been better, possibly because it’s new and we don’t know what to expect. That drives the training more every day.”
The Swedish coach has been clear about what he wants to see. “He’s made it known from the get-go exactly what he wants from this group,” says Shaw. “He told us that he’s not trying to change us dramatically as players. We’re just trying to grasp the information and implement it as best as possible on the pitch to ensure when the first game comes, we are at least at a level to go out and perform at our best.”
Shaw was one of the many City players sidelined last season, with a foot injury meaning she started only 10 league games. Despite that she shared the golden boot with Arsenal’s Alessia Russo, having scored 12 goals before her injury.
“It was definitely my weakest season,” she says. “I started the season really well and unfortunately I had an injury that was out of my control, a fractured foot. Can’t really do much with that. I didn’t know I’d won the golden boot until the last day, on the pitch when they announced it, because that was nowhere in my thought. I was mentally not in a good place because I knew I couldn’t help the team the way I wanted to; as a player that’s what you want to be able to do, to be available for every game.”
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The small silver lining to the injury was the chance to rest body and mind after a lot of football. “Jamaica isn’t close either,” she says. “Having to travel all that way back and forth is difficult, especially when you come back and have to play every three or four days. I was tired. Come November I’d played every game, I was definitely tired. Physically and mentally it can be a lot.”
Now, though, the 28-year-old is feeling refreshed going into the new campaign. “Body’s feeling good, I feel positive and mentally I’m in a good place,” she says. She is also looking forward to developing her on-pitch relationship with Vivianne Miedema, which was only glimpsed last season.
“We spoke about it and I think we only played three full games together, which is crazy,” says Shaw. “We’re both in a good place at the moment, so it’s just about building now and then coming into the season, hopefully we’re ready.”
The pair will strike fear into the heart of every defence in the league, starting with Chelsea in the WSL opener at Stamford Bridge on Friday. Shaw is dismissive of the narrative last summer that questioned whether they could play together. “I definitely say we can play together, I don’t know why people questioned who will start. Viv is not just a goalscorer, she can also assist goals, she likes playing in the No 10.”
The goal this season could not be clearer: win the league. “It’s City we’re talking about,” says Shaw. “The ambition has to be there. It’s always fine margins. Two years ago we lost the league on goal difference. So it’s not like we’re far off.
“No Champions League is the reality. We’re in this position, we have a game every Sunday and that game should be the most important and that’s how we’re going to attack each game. Ultimately we have no excuse to not go and win the league.”
