Locust Humiliated Swarm He Organized Only Got 40 Million Attendees

MEKELE, ETHIOPIA—Expressing utter embarrassment about the long-hyped event, a desert locust in the Ethiopian Highlands was reportedly humiliated Friday after a swarm he organized was only attended by 40 million other members of his species. “Oh man, I thought everyone would be more excited to cause a famine,” said the newly gregarious African grasshopper, adding that he knew he was pressing his luck by inviting 1.5 billion other locusts to his “end of summer scourge,” but never thought fewer than 100 million would show up. “Ugh, we’ve barely blackened the sky! Some of them are leaving early now… Is it me? Maybe I should just cancel the whole thing.” At press time, the insect was seen apologizing one by one to each of the 40 million attendees, insisting he would “completely understand” if they wanted to revert back to their solitary forms.