Poll Finds Most Desirable Quality In   Romantic Partner Is Being Jacked Centaur

WEST LONG BRANCH, NJ—With the attribute far outpacing characteristics such as humor, kindness, or wealth, a poll released Monday by Monmouth University found that the most desirable quality in a romantic partner was being a jacked centaur. “Among our sample of over 40,000 respondents, by far the most coveted trait in a potential significant other was being a half horse, half man with a totally shredded physique,” said Professor Ryan McDonald, who oversaw the survey in which individuals who had the torso of a muscular human male and the lower half of a powerful wild stallion were rated approximately 200 times more attractive than those who exhibited only one of those features in isolation. “While several participants in our poll cited a preference for mysterious humanoid lizard people who harbor a secret, or a kraken-like monster with titillating tentacles, nothing came close to being a centaur with a six-pack and a glossy chestnut coat. The majority of those surveyed said they wanted to hear the vigorous gallop of the centaur sprinting through the woods and watch with bated breath as the mythical creature reared up on his hind legs, effortlessly tossed their delicate form onto his horse back, and bolted off into the distance.” McDonald added that, counterintuitively, the least desirable quality in a partner was having the head of a horse on a regular man’s body.