I am a child sitting in my parent’s lap, because my dad didn’t see the lady wildly waving her arms to give me her seat until it was too late. So now he’s avoiding eye contact with her and pretending he wants me in his lap, even though I am a 5 foot 8 inch seventh grader.
I am a teenager and this is my new boyfriend, and we are doing a lot more than just sitting. You may be trying to avert your eyes, but the sounds of our sloppy teenage lust will somehow get to you over the screeches of the tracks, the phone calls people are inexplicably making over speakerphone, and the squawk of the pet birds I think someone brought on board. If love is measured by how long you can hold your breath while making out, this is forever!
I am tired and this man has his knees spread open, blocking the seats to his left and to his right. I figure that if he’s going to take up the equivalent of three seats, unnecessarily, I can take up his leg with my seat.
An ex got on so I am trying to make myself invisible by slumping down in the closest seat, even though it is already occupied, and remaining stock still as if I am trying not to be detected by the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park. As he is moving closer to let other people get on, I realize it’s not him.
Apparently, neon vinyl pants are now in style, and this stranger’s lap was indistinguishable to me from the bright orange and yellow seats. To be honest, I’m still not sure if I’m sitting in a person’s lap or in a seat in which someone left behind a pair of sunglasses and a wig.
A fellow passenger looks like Santa Claus, and this is my year of “yes.” You’ve got to take a chance when you see it, right? If there’s even a 1% chance he’s the real Santa, telling him what I want for Christmas this far in advance will totally be worth it.
I have X-ray vision but forgot that I do, so I saw some bones in an empty seat and thought I could just kind of scootch between the loose pelvis and femur. Human bones would have been one of the least disgusting things I’ve sat amongst on the subway.
We are all just molecules, so really where does my body end and the other person’s body begin? (I am on mushrooms).
The subway suddenly jerked as I was switching pole-holding hands, leaving me momentarily sitting in a stranger’s lap. I slightly raised one of my hands in apology without making eye contact. No one, not even the stranger, acknowledged that it happened.
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