In a financially literate move coming out of a restaurant in Manhattan, NY, 27-year-old Julia DeMagio just put her card down to pay for everyone’s dinner, but isn’t concerned about the cost: It’ll feel like she’s actually earning money when everyone pays her back, meaning dinner was basically free.
“Sure, it can be scary to foot a $200 bill on behalf of my entire friend group,” Julia told reporters gathered at the scene, where she had just ordered everyone a round of shots to finish off the night. “The important thing to remember is everyone’s going to pay me back for their portion, so it doesn’t really feel like I’m paying anything now.”
By this logic, Julia manages to not technically spend any money tonight – because everyone will pay her back – and once those Venmos come coursing in, they will fundamentally count as “new money.”
“I’m paying this bill with the understanding I will be paid back, but once I get paid back, that money feels like it has nothing to do with this whole situation,” she continued. “It’s a foolproof method for earning about $170.”
Reporters clarified that since the $170 is technically a reimbursement, she isn’t really “earning” anything, and has instead spent $30 of her own money.
“No, no, no,” she laughed. “You’re not getting it. I pay nothing now, because it’s a group bill. But I get a lot of money back. So zero plus $170 is $170. You’re funny, though.”
Julia then “booped” one reporter on the nose and decided to order an Uber home, considering she just made such a good investment. After the $40 Uber, Julia’s total spending for the night increased to $70, but in her mind, she’s still made $170.
“The $40 Uber doesn’t really count, because it was all part of the purchase that will be making me $170,” she continued, lacking any internal logic whatsoever. “I can teach you about investments some time! I think it would really help you.”
Julia’s internal metric for how much money she’d spent seemed to have no basis in reality. Things got even more confusing one week later, when Julia’s friend Henry still hadn’t paid her back for dinner.
“It’s fine that he didn’t pay me back,” she said, surprising everyone at the scene. “I’ve already made $170, so that $20 won’t really make a difference.”
