Scott Disick Warns Son About Genetic Predisposition To Loserism

LOS ANGELES—Coming down to the child’s eye level in a moment of vulnerability, Scott Disick reportedly had an emotional talk with his son Tuesday warning him about his genetic predisposition to hereditary loserism. “I need to be honest with you, bud—early-onset loserism runs in our family, and there’s a 50-50 chance that someday, you might launch a scam vitamin business or open a Mediterranean fusion restaurant that shutters after three months,” said Disick, the reality TV fixture, social media influencer, and casual entrepreneur, who wiped tears from his eyes as he explained to his son that his recent house-flipping show only lasted eight episodes, just one of the many humiliating symptoms of his debilitating mediocrity. “I don’t want you to worry, okay? The loserism in our bloodstream isn’t fatal, but it will cause me to eventually leave the spotlight early. You’re smart, and I know you’ve seen the tabloids about me, but none of it is your fault. You just happen to come from a line of total deadbeats. If, when you’re a bit older, you notice symptoms manifesting, like you find yourself making club appearances or getting into crypto, don’t panic. You can still live a full life. There are options—reputation management firms, changing your last name—but this is something you’ll carry with you forever.” At press time, Kourtney Kardashian had also sat down with the son she shared with Disick to explain that he had very likely inherited her side of the family’s chronic need for attention.