‘SNL’ Tackles Trump Health Rumors And Late Night TV Crackdown

The sketch kicked off at Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth’s big military meeting in Quantico last week, where a rowdy Colin Jost lectured America’s top generals about his plan to impose new heath and weight standards across the armed forces.

“Our military will now have the same rules as any good frat party,” he declared.

It wasn’t long before the show’s resident Trump impersonator, James Austin Johnson, popped in to warn the world about what Jost called the “greatest threat to freedom and democracy the world has ever known” — late night television.

“I’m just here keeping my eye on ‘SNL,’ making sure they don’t do anything too mean about me, and they better be careful because I know late night like the back of my hand,” he smirked, flashing a splotchy, makeup masked hand just like Trump has been recently rocking.

“Not looking great right now,” Johnson winced, then hiding his hand and saying, “Don’t look at it. Gonna cover this up for the rest of my life.”

Later riffing about how “SNL” should have called it a day after its 50th season ended back in May, the Trump impersonator said, it was “so sad to see something get old and confused and still demand your constant attention.”

Johnson later alluded to rumors the president may have had a serious health crisis around Labor Day weekend, as he told viewers, “I had a great summer, took a little vacation time for golf and travel and stroke. Kidding! Or not. Either way, you’ll never know.”

He advised the cast and crew of “SNL” to be on their “best behavior” or they could face the same retribution as ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel or CBS’ Stephen Colbert.

“Remember: Daddy’s watching,” Johnson signed off with a smirk.

Watch the full cold open above.