Don’t be caught dead without these autumn favorites!
- Autumn-leaf adorned travel mug
When it comes to holding your favorite cider, hot cocoa, and saline solution to rinse out your eyes after your peaceful protest gets tear-gassed, we see this trend being so hot it burns.
- Adorable waterproof zip pouch
This much-needed clutch will come in clutch to hold black licorice lip gloss, orange eye shadow, and all your documents. We say papers, yes please! Don’t let those mysterious masked officers catch you without this fall essential.
- Classy houndstooth hair bow
Your autumn style will be fierce with this bow tied on your up-do, or as a tourniquet tied on your wounded limbs. This black & white classic pattern has always paired well with red!
- Bullet-proof vests
Tired: Fleece vests, Wired: Bullet-proof vests. You’re never “too blessed” to wear a bullet-proof vest! Coincidentally, we sell this comforting phrase on throw pillows.
- Spicy scented candles
Everyone’s getting a whiff of these delightful candles in cinnamon spice, vanilla clove, and fear. Great for yourself or to pass on to friends. No place is “marked safe” from these spicy aromas!
- Turkey-shaped wicker basket
This must-have basket spruces up every room in your home! Fill it with gourds in the kitchen, a warm throw in the living room, and lots of shelf-stable rice and beans for you to gobble in your panic room. We won’t un-rest until you have a chic home fit for a fashionista to hunker down in.
- Porcelain pumpkin-carving kit
Sick of buying a new, plastic kit every year? This gorgeous porcelain set will outlast our form of government. You’ll slay while carving up your jack-o-lantern, and might even scare off those pesky, uninvited guests who come a knockin’.
- “How-To” book collection for any coffee table
The set includes How-To Look Straight and White, How-To Memorize Banned Books to Preserve a “Changing History,” and How-To Forage in Your Urban Neighborhood. Time to eat dandelions? Be sure to blow on them to make a wish for more food!
- Reflective pet collar with voice message
This charming collar is perfect for any pet about town. Not only does it scream “Hey, I’m still here and haven’t eaten in days” to any passers by, but you can record yourself explaining to your best boy and his new owner that you still love him but have “gone to camp.”
- Memory foam-filled bean bag chair in grizzly brown
Good for lounging in front of the fire with a favorite book, and GREAT for wedging between branches for a makeshift and hidden tree bed. Freezing to death? Cut it open and taco yourself inside Tauntaun-style!
Good luck getting these in vogue items before they run out or before our economy collapses! Next up, Ten Essential Shopping Tips for Winter and Nuclear Winter.
- About the Author
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Brigitte Erickson is a comedy writer and mom of two in Los Angeles. She has done TV comedy punch-up for some of your favorite shows, and has written for The Belladonna Comedy, Slackjaw, and Nike Playlist.
