Planning a honeymoon is hard enough as a couple. Add in your husband-to-be’s parents and it turns into an all-inclusive guilt-trip from hell.
Recently, u/Signal-Paint-7913 took to the subreddit r/AmItheAsshole to find out if she’s stuck in a nightmare or if her future in-laws are just truly insane.
AITA for telling my fiancé to set boundaries since his parents are going to our honeymoon?
The story breaks down like this:
“I (22F) moved in with my fiancé’ (24M) when we got engaged. We live on 40 acres and his parents live on the property with us. I love them like my own parents. We go over for meals, game nights, and to hang out. My fiancé’ and his dad are best friends and they do all kinds of projects together.“
(Editor’s note: ok, sounds healthy, loving, and supportive.)
“When his parents are out of town, they call every night to talk business and chat. When we go on vacation, his parents come with us. Lately it seems excessive, but I keep it to myself. We’re getting married in November on another property that my fiancé’, his sister, and their parents own together. There’s plenty of space for both our families and friends, and everyone is leaving the day after the wedding so we can honeymoon for a week there. That is, everyone except his parents.“
(Editor’s note: um…)
“When I found out they were planning on staying, I told my fiancé’ I didn’t want them there. I feel like, since they’re his parents, it’s his responsibility to tell them to leave. He said it wasn’t a big deal. I told him it was weird and I wanted it to just be us. He suggested we could honeymoon somewhere else at a later date, but still spend the week after the wedding with his parents. I told him no because I have limited PTO, we planned on honeymooning there ALONE, we’re trying to save money, and I don’t want to be the couple that never ends up having a honeymoon cause they keep saying they’ll have it later.“
(Editor’s note: oh no…)
“I said he needs to tell his parents to leave at the same time everyone else does. He told me no, since his parents are part-owners (even though his sister is leaving with everyone else). We kept talking and I told him it feels like his parents are his family rather than he and I being our own family and that I wanted to start setting boundaries with his parents, the first one being that they can’t stay for our honeymoon.“
(Editor’s note: it’s getting really difficult to read this through my fingers…)
“He said he didn’t understand why I was so emotional about this (mind you, I wasn’t emotional until he said that). Once he said that, I stopped talking because I felt invalidated and I didn’t want to get emotional and prove him right. He’s refusing to discuss it anymore and it’s making me wonder if I crossed a line by telling him he needs to set boundaries with his parents.
So, AITA?“
(Editor’s note: RUN!)
The comments came rushing in to try to talk some sense into the poster. Here’s hoping for a happy ending for the couple and a separate room/town/country/continent for the in-laws.
1.
This is a red flag. There will always be two extras in your marriage and you will NEVER be a COUPLE. God forbid you should have children! This is a boundary I would really think about. Believe me, I’ve been there and done that. There were three in my marriage, including my mother-in-law, and she was awful! Don’t do this to yourself! Life is way too short.
AlohaTutu60
2.
But also, why does HE want his parents on his honeymoon? If your partner doesn’t want to be alone with you on your honeymoon, they just aren’t that into you.
JustKindaHappenedxx
3.
“Honeymoon means not staying on your in-laws property. You aren’t going on a Honeymoon. You just want your in-laws to leave a property that they partly own. Figure out a way to go somewhere cheap. Can you go camping? It’s not ideal, but it’s away from home.”
DrPablisimo
4.
Have your honeymoon somewhere else. It’s shared property so you can’t ask them to leave. You might also risk your good relationship with them. If they don’t have the sense to let you two be alone then either you save your money and have your honeymoon with the parents or you spend a little and have the privacy you need. Your fiancé’ is the AH for being overly clingy with his parents.
kjatt0628
5.
If they are too ignorant to see themselves out and let you honeymoon in private, you definitely will have boundary issues in the future. That 40 acres will get small in a hurry. Don’t beat around the bush, say something along the line of ‘there are no honeymoon activities that are suitable for sharing with others’. You don’t have to be graphic, but be blunt. Don’t set the precedent that privacy and boundaries are optional.
kw4885
6.
He is thoroughly enmeshed with his family and if you make the mistake of marrying him, he will always put what they want ahead of what you want. He is showing you who he is. Decide now if you want his mom in the delivery room when you give birth, because clearly his family have no boundaries.
Zestyclose-Height-36
7.
This is gonna be the rest of their life: she, him, and his parents. When they’re having kids, they’re gonna be there during the birth too.
solstice_gilder
8.
If OP marries this guy, she will spend her entire life either with her in-laws, or arguing with her “husband” about her in-laws. He isn’t mature enough to be married as he is still his parent’s child.
Fantastic_Quarter_79
9.
This is the craziest shit I’ve read in a while. I’m referring to the fact that it’s absolutely cuckoo bananas for your in laws to even think of staying on your honeymoon, much less you wondering if you’re an ah for being upset about it and wondering if you crossed some line.
Your problems are far greater than the honeymoon and your fiancé’s unwillingness to respect your opinion. Which, btw, that is HUGE BIG ASSED RED FLAGS. But also…he doesn’t have a personal issue with it. That’s nuts.
Spare-Article-396
10.
NTA but your boyfriend is nowhere near ready to be a husband.
Gringa-Loca26
11.
NTA. He is showing you what your life will be like. You may love his parents like your own, but they are ALWAYS going to be there. The honeymoon is the tip of the iceberg. Do you want them fully enmeshed in every aspect of your life going forward? It doesn’t sound like you do, and your boyfriend isn’t budging. Proceed carefully.
Donutsmell
12.
Straight talk… you both have more you need to work through before you are ready to get married. There are communication issues, boundary issues, having each others back and being each others first priority.
Honestly if you don’t work these out first, your marriage will end in bitter resentment
Gold_Head7582
13.
NTA. Tell him either they’re going on the honeymoon or you are, not both.
Who WANTS their parents on their honeymoon?!
teanovell
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