If you’re walking by Tradewind Liquors in downtown Chicago any time soon, be sure to look up to get a glimpse at a level of wealth and luxury most of us can only dream of: This pigeon that gets to have its nest inside the big bright ‘O’ in this liquor store sign must be the pigeon version of a billionaire.
Dang, must be nice! This pigeon is living in so much opulence, he’s basically on a completely different planet from the average bird.
While most pigeons have to settle for building their nests on dingy windowsills or the fire escapes of buildings where boring guys live, this pigeon has enough of whatever it is that pigeons consider to be money to live a life of constant neon technicolor and endless excitement. The big bright ‘O’ in the liquor store sign is located near one of the best dumpsters in the whole city, and offers an amazing view of some of the awesome humans who come into the store to buy alcohol and lottery tickets. While it’s unclear how this pigeon got so bird-rich, he’s clearly living a cut above most other members of his species.
In a recent study published in the prestigious journal Nature, a team of leading ornithologists confirmed that this pigeon is definitely on par with the likes of Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg, as far as pigeons go. “The big round bright ‘O’ is basically the pigeon equivalent of living in Versailles,” the study noted. “For a pigeon to live there, it would need to possess a vast fortune of chicken nuggets or diamonds or mouse bones or whatever it is those little freaks use for money.” The study also noted that the pigeon’s nest inside the liquor store ‘O’ had at least three French fries inside of it, and that French fries are the pigeon equivalent of Faberge eggs.
It’s pretty fascinating to get a glimpse into how the upper crust of the pigeon world truly live!
While this pigeon is clearly loaded, most of his neighbors are not entirely sure where he acquired his vast fortune. Maybe his family found an entire hamburger in the trash, which is like the pigeon equivalent of making billions of dollars in the tech industry. Or maybe this pigeon has the smallest, yellowest eyes of all the pigeons in the area, which makes him a pigeon celebrity supermodel, and gives him endless power in the pigeon community.
Ultimately, the question of what counts as money for pigeons is one for scientists to determine after decades of careful research. Still, what we know for sure is that the ‘O’ in the neon Tradewind Liquors sign is the perfect size, shape, and brightness for a wealthy bird with taste. Whether you’re a human or a pigeon, it’s only natural to dream of living in a big round house that glows as bright as the sun, and somehow this filthy little bird has managed to achieve that dream! Congrats to this pigeon for attaining the ultra-elite status in pigeon society that afford him this privilege. Hopefully one day he’s kind enough to invite us over to see his glamorous nest up close!
