Trump Examined By Doctor After Acknowledging Existence Of Suffering

WASHINGTON—Following reports that the president was “troubled” and “disturbed” by images coming out of Gaza, White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt told reporters that Donald Trump was examined by a doctor after he acknowledged the existence of suffering earlier this week. “It’s possible that his statement recognizing starving children in Gaza was just a case of the jet-lagged president mixing up his words,” said Leavitt, adding that Trump was rushed from his meeting in Scotland with U.K. Prime Minster Keir Starmer to a nearby medical facility where a doctor confirmed the president still possessed the cruelty of a 27-year-old Manhattan real estate developer. “Despite what the fake New York Times may say, our president remains as callous as ever. He is currently in excellent condition, denying any compassion for other living beings, and his vitals show he’ll be back to his old rage-filled self in no time at all.” At press time, Leavitt released a contradictory statement dismissing the brief show of empathy as a typical symptom of the president’s dementia.