“The Utah man being held in the shooting of conservative activist Charlie Kirk used the social media platform Discord to send messages about the rifle and engraved bullets.” — Deseret News
“One of the [bullet casing] messages, ‘Notices bulges OwO what’s this?,’ is often used to mock participants in online role-play communities. Another message said, ‘If you read This, you are GAY Lmao,’ its tone suggesting a kind of sophomoric insult humor common on internet message boards.” — New York Times
“The professors who are sowing the hate—they need to be fired… The professors need to go away.” — Fox News host Lawrence Jones
– – –
Which thinker do you admire most?
a. Karl Marx.
b. Thinkers are gay, but Nick Fuentes is based, I guess.
Where did you learn about economic theory?
a. A 300-level seminar that I took remotely from Martha’s Vineyard over the summer. My only regret is that I wasn’t on campus to see the professor win the Nobel, but I did Zoom in.
b. Lol theory?
What’s your favorite book?
a. White Noise (in the past six months, I’ve expanded my horizons beyond DFW, and am the better for it).
b. Lmao books?
Do you know what “groyper” means?
a. No, it wasn’t on my SAT vocab list. I’d be curious to learn for my own edification, but it doesn’t seem relevant anymore. Since I already took the test.
b. Lol.
What’s your group chat called?
a. “Praxis and Chill.”
b. [REDACTED by Discord Trust & Safety]
Donald Trump is:
a. An existential threat to our Republic, and we must throw all available institutional power behind stopping his agenda.
b. Gay.
Women are:
a. Equals.
b. Gay.
How do you signal your political beliefs?
a. An NPR tote. I believe it strikes just the right balance of “I’m a liberal” and “I’m a registered Democrat.”
b. Fedposting. And they’re not “political beliefs,” they’re just, like, thoughts.
What’s your retirement plan?
a. Let me check in with Ted and get back to you.
b. Crypto. If it even matters.
What’s your favorite animal?
a. My stepmom’s Tibetan mastiff.
b. Pepe the Frog. If you even get the reference.
Who is “the establishment”?
a. The Neoliberal Hegemony (in short, Dick Cheney, who—to be fair—has made some good points, historically).
b. Jews.
Have you had sex?
a. No.
b. No.
Where do you get your news?
a. I’m mature enough to admit that sometimes I hate-read The Wall Street Journal editorial page. Other than that, the usual.
b. MSM is cringe.
Where do you see yourself in ten years?
a. Working for a nonprofit or maybe a for-profit hedge fund (in a blue state).
b. Dead or rich. Probably dead lol.
How many hours a day do you spend online?
a. Seven Pomodoros.
b. Yes.
Where do you do most of your organizing?
a. The Crimson comment section.
b. Lol. No. I mean, I’m in a Telegram channel with forty-seven members, twelve of whom are Kash Patel under different usernames, and another six are Pete Hegseth under the same username.
Do you consider yourself radical?
a. Yes. At least as radical as Ezra Klein.
b. Maybe I am. Lol. But maybe I’m not.
What do you think is the best form of protest?
a. Withholding donations. It’s peaceful and effective.
b. Violence. Lol. Or not.
Is it acceptable to attack those with differing political aims?
a. Yes, the opinion pages are our friends here.
b. Lmao. LMAO. Lol. Who cares.
– – –
Mostly A’s: Congratulations! Your radicalization costs a mere $100,000/year. The revolution will be thoroughly peer-reviewed.
Mostly B’s: Based.
