Why did the banana split?
It found out it was going to be a father.
Why do dads love mowing the lawn?
They see lawn care as maintaining their property and protecting their substantial investment. It’s also the one time they can be alone with their thoughts.
Why couldn’t the dad sleep?
He was worried about money.
Why didn’t the dad want to have kids?
He was worried that he would pass on the gene for Huntington’s disease.
Did you hear about the dad who loved Eagles songs?
All dads love Eagles songs. It reminds them of their carefree youth.
Knock-knock!
Who’s there?
Hello, may I speak with the man of the house about the electricity bill?
Get off my porch.
KID: I’m hungry.
DAD: Hi, hungry. I’m tired.
Why do dads fart so much?
Their bodies are aging and breaking down.
Why do dads love grilling?
It makes them feel useful, given that their children are getting older and need them less and less.
What did one dad say to the other dad?
Not much. Forging a new friendship as an adult male is exceptionally difficult.
A corny dad joke:
The dad couldn’t eat corn anymore, because he had to cut down on carbs in light of his type 2 diabetes.
A dad passed a tennis court where two young people were engaged in an intense game, yelling and grunting with every shot.
“What a racket!” the dad said.
“Thanks!” replied one of the players.
“I wish I could afford a nice racket like that, but I haven’t been able to play in years,” the dad said.
…
“Back problems,” the dad said.
“Ah,” said the player.
Why don’t dads ever stop and ask for directions?
Because they have a lot of pride and arrogance wrapped up in their ability to be resourceful and to take charge, and they simply cannot ask for help. This is a type of toxic masculinity.
