Californians Approve Measure To Redraw ‘Garfield’

SACRAMENTO, CA—Passing the Democrat-backed initiative with a resounding 60% of the vote, Californians overwhelmingly approved a ballot measure this week to redraw the cartoon character Garfield. “The people of California have spoken, and they want their funny pages to have an obese orange tabby cat who reflects the character design sensibilities our Founding Fathers stood for,” said California Gov. Gavin Newsom, adding that the proposition to drastically alter Garfield’s eyes, limb proportions, and fur coloration was a direct retaliation against Texas Republicans’ ongoing efforts to redraw Dilbert. “While Garfield has historically been redrawn every 10 years based on input from Jim Davis, these are not normal times. We cannot go back to the squinting, quadrupedal Garfield of the 1970s and ’80s. Republican overreach is jeopardizing the comic strips we hold dearest, and Californians have given us a mandate to create a Garfield who is taller, a little fuller in the hips, and has whiskers that move around more in response to his emotions.” At press time, California Republicans had reportedly moved to block the Garfield redrawing process with an extended arc focusing exclusively on Jon Arbuckle and his former roommate Lyman.