Sure, it was a huge bummer that they cut funding for fixing the streets in our town. We enjoyed going places. But, overall, it’s worth it for the tax cuts we expect any day now. I mean, at least we owned the libs. Libs love streets. Did you see that video of Trump dumping shit on libs marching in the streets? Got ’em!
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Ah, dang. Groceries have never been more expensive. We really thought this was something Trump might be able to help us with. But the high cost of food is worth it so a transgender teen in Idaho can’t use the school locker room. Libs aren’t cheap to own, but the price is more than fair.
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Wait, when they said they were going to dismantle the Department of Education, they were talking about, like, America’s Department of Education? The one that funds our schools? Shoot. Our kids will have to learn how to read from the back of cereal boxes. But at least the cereal doesn’t have Red Dye No. 2 in it. And as we all know, the libs are OBSESSED with Red Dye No. 2. Owned!
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Owning the libs all the way into a measles outbreak? That’s called “keeping the narrative spicy,” and it’s NOT a bad thing.
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Yes, we liked that restaurant. Yes, it would have been better if they hadn’t shut down, but half their staff got deported, so what are you going to do? At least all those dumb woke libs in LA and New York can’t eat at this Mexican restaurant in Columbus, Ohio, either.
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Our cousin lost his soybean farm. We really thought the tariffs would help American farmers, but it turns out other countries just stopped buying our stuff. Stupid woke CCP. But you know what you can’t repossess? An ideological victory. I mean, except every four years, when the presidency changes hands. Whatever. The libs have been owned so hard they don’t even know what hit ’em.
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So when they said they were axing “federal government jobs,” we just assumed they meant jobs in MARXIST blue cities. This is an unwelcome surprise. But you know what? This annoying liberal girl I knew in college cried in her IG story on election night. And we’ll ride that all the way to the bank (where they’ll hopefully give us a loan).
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The water’s been brown for three weeks. It’s a drag, but I bet there’s an Ivy-educated lib walking around Bushwick in a really bad mood right now. So it’s totally worth it.
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Huge bummer: Our health insurance got cut. We kept hearing Republicans say that lazy good-for-nothings and illegals would stop receiving Medicaid checks every month. And we thought, “Yeah, we’re on Medicaid, but they never send us checks.” So we didn’t think it would affect us. Anyway, in the meantime, we’ll take comfort in the knowledge that the libs probably can’t see doctors either. I mean, all the hospitals in rural areas are shutting down, and coastal elites are famously concentrated in… look, whatever, they’ve been owned, okay?
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All right, well… we can’t pretend this has turned out the way we imagined. But you know what? We heard that a gender studies department in Vermont had its funding reduced by 12 percent. And the video of our great president wearing a crown I posted to my knitting group’s Facebook page really pissed off all the libs on there. And that, in the end, is what matters most.
