Bored Trump Spends Night Channel Surfing For New Shows To Cancel

WASHINGTON—Flipping through all of the options for the sixth time in a row as the clock approached 1 a.m., a bored President Donald Trump reportedly spent Thursday night channel surfing for new shows to cancel. “It feels like I’ve already canceled everything on here, or it’s from so long ago that it’s no longer worth the trouble,” said the president, growing increasingly frustrated after getting through three minutes of The New Girl only to realize that the final episode aired in 2018. “Has The Munsters been canceled yet? There’s a lot of diversity on there, and they seem like losers. How about Zoloft? Oh, that was just a commercial. Survivor might be an option, as we all know that program is the mouthpiece of antifa. Now here’s SpongeBob SquarePants. They’re saying horrible things about the crab, horrible things. You know what, SpongeBob? You’re gone.” Trump continued his channel-surfing marathon by asking his son Barron to turn on Netflix so he could find something to cancel there.