Frito-Lay CEO Gifts Trump Gold Funyun

WASHINGTON—In a gesture many critics have decried as yet another blatant bribe to secure favorable regulatory treatment, Frito-Lay CEO Steven Williams presented President Donald Trump this week with a 24-karat, solid gold Funyun. “The president has long voiced his desire to own a golden, crunchy onion, and we knew it would be our privilege to make that a reality for one of the greatest dealmakers in history,” said Williams to reporters as a beaming Trump proudly moved the gold Funyun sculpture to a permanent spot on the Resolute Desk. “This expertly crafted artwork reflects how much we at Frito-Lay respect the president’s unwavering commitment to protecting the freedoms of American snackers and snack makers alike. We hope that here, under your visionary stewardship, this Funyun will stand as a tribute to our shared commitment to bold, flavorful action.” At press time, Frito-Lay has pledged to donate $26 million in Funyuns, Ruffles, Munchos, and Cool Ranch Doritos to the Donald J. Trump Presidential Library.