Hummingbird Feels Like Fucking Idiot After Seeing Other Bird Gliding

SPRINGDALE, UT—Beating himself up over a lifetime of wasted energy, a local hummingbird confirmed Tuesday that he felt like a huge fucking idiot after he saw a hawk gliding above him with close to no effort all. “What the hell am I doing continuously flitting around like a complete maniac?” said the male hummingbird, adding that his life would be so much easier if he simply let an air current carry him hundreds of miles and barely moved his goddamn wings at all. “Fuck, I feel so stupid. I wouldn’t need to eat so much nectar if I wasn’t beating my wings 80 times per second like a total dipshit. Ugh!! Why didn’t any of you assholes tell me about thermal drafts?” The utterly humiliated bird was later spotted attempting to gulp a whole fish out of water before he realized his tiny shitty beak was only good for lapping up nectar.