Dear colleagues,
I just wanted to reach out and let you know that I’m officially done saying sorry. As a woman, I feel the flippant use and misuse of this word gives away my power, if that makes any sense. If you have any free time this week or next, or even in the next couple of weeks, feel free to read the rest of this email to understand further. If not, no worries at all—I’m sure you’re extremely busy this time of year.
My near-addiction to apologizing has been around as long as I can remember. Trigger warning: My dad wasn’t very emotionally present during my childhood, if it’s okay for me to bring that up. Not to make this whole thing about me, but seeking his approval has caused a lot of people-pleasing, codependent tendencies to manifest in the way I communicate. I’ve obviously gotten over most of them, but this “sorry” habit will be the last one to go.
I feel like I just talked forever. I would love to hear about your stuff, too, if you ever want to chat about anything. I’m here for you whenever you need me, just let me know.
I’m also done overexplaining myself when I don’t say yes to every favor asked of me. No more, “I’m sorry, I totally would, but blah blah boundary-less blah.” It’s not like I’m going to be rude about it or anything, but sometimes I need to let a simple “no” be enough to speak for itself. I mean, if someone in a wheelchair needs a hand reaching something on a tall shelf or an older person needs assistance crossing the street, of course, I’m going to help those people. Even if a close friend or family member needs to talk, I want to be there for them, as I pride myself on being a reliable person. All I’m saying is that when a coworker asks me to get them a coffee or something, I’m going to say no, period, without needing to go on a wild tangent justifying myself.
To be honest, I’m mainly just determined to stop apologizing when someone else steps on my foot. That happened for the last time this past weekend and is what really sparked this whole revolution in me.
It might sound jarring at first when you hear how my communication changes as a result of cutting out the sorrys, but I assure you, those are just boundaries in action, which you may not be used to receiving. If you have any concerns about how I’ve communicated something, I encourage you to bring them to my attention at any time. After work is tricky, though, because I’ve already agreed to give Jaime rides home from work while he’s going through his marital thing, and he lives a good ninety minutes in the opposite direction from me. I’ve been toying with the idea of letting him borrow my car for the time being, like he’s suggested, and then I could just Uber home. That way, I’d have time to talk through anything. We could meet up halfway, or honestly, I could come to your side of town, whatever’s easiest for you!
Ugh, I was literally just about to close this email with “sorry for the novel.” I still have a long way to go (not longer than this email, tho, ha!) Thank you for your patience, which is also what I’ll be saying every morning from now on instead of that barbaric anthem of self-hatred, “Sorry I’m late.”
