No, Area 53-Year-Old Would Not Like His Drink With Boba

ST. LOUIS—According to several eyewitnesses who were inside local café Panda Bubble Tea on Tuesday, no, 53-year-old man Aaron Strickland would not like “popping boba” in his drink. “Ma’am, I am a veteran, a father of two adult children, and I hold a master’s degree in business administration from Washington University,” said an indignant Strickland, who reportedly crossed his arms and winced slightly at the young cashier’s question. “As I previously stated, I would just like a hot tea without any froufrou shit. I am a serious man, and I simply want a regular black tea with a little bit of regular whole milk.” Strickland was later overheard muttering “Oh for Christ’s sake” after his drink arrived in a promotional LE SSERAFIM cup.