Course Overview
This course is designed to introduce students to classic literary works. Class time will be primarily discussion based. Those discussions should remain focused on literary works. They should never become a platform for students to pitch the professor on a business that, in theory, looks pretty lucrative, but in practice turns out to be a pyramid scheme that leaves the professor with a garage full of expensive, nootropic-colostrum-infused wellness shakes.
Course Objectives
Everyone should leave this course with an understanding of literary forms and themes and the ability to meaningfully critique several classic works. Everyone should also leave this class with minimal knowledge of my personal life. I will never intrude into your personal lives and, in return, I expect none of you will try to set me up with a beautiful Peruvian divorcée named Luciana, only to later turn in a midterm paper where, instead of a breakdown of the roles social class plays in Jane Austen’s works, the student has written a word-for-word recitation of several cringy and graphic sonnets I wrote and sent to “Luciana” (a.k.a. now-sophomore Todd Livingston). Not only was the paper off topic, Todd, but directly reciting my words constitutes plagiarism. Which leads us to:
Plagiarism and AI
While AI is becoming an increasingly present force in our society, for this class, students are to complete all assignments themselves. Students should not use AI to write any portion of their papers, nor should they use AI to author a series of correspondences designed to convince a vulnerable professor, recovering from being catfished by Todd Livingston, that he has a long-lost daughter who desperately needs four thousand dollars. I’ve never been to a bar called Mermaid’s Cove, nor have I ever met a woman named Heidi. As such, it would be impossible for me to have fathered a daughter named Eleanor nineteen years ago in the aforementioned scenario AI dreamed up. I realize that now.
AI should also not be used to create deepfake audio recordings that make it sound like the instructor accidentally started a voice memo on his phone and inadvertently recorded a panicked late-night rambling message where he admits that there are periods of his past where he seems to have blacked out and cannot recall any memories whatsoever. And all those moments seem to line up chronologically with the activity of the never-apprehended and still active Canterbury Killer, who left nothing at his crime scenes but a mangled-up victim’s carcass and a copy of The Canterbury Tales. If you see or hear something like that posted to the class Canvas at 3 a.m., please know it is certainly an AI deepfake and will be removed shortly.
Materials
All reading materials will be included in the online Course Reader. We will be studying works by Hemingway, Chekhov, Chaucer (assuming I can find my Chaucer works, I seem to have misplaced them again), and Dickinson. Please note, nowhere in that list did I mention we would be reading and discussing private, personal emails where I ask colleagues in the department to loan me five thousand dollars or text messages where I try to gauge how solid Professor Langley’s marriage is.
Office Hours
Office hours are available every week by appointment. Please use this time instead of email to ask any questions. Face-to-face communication is much more effective and is less likely to lead to my email address being used to sign up for a mailing list that somehow results in me being enlisted in a Uruguayan paramilitary guerrilla militia over the summer.
I’m very excited to be teaching each of you, especially since I have no more money or dignity left to lose. If you’re wondering how I’m this excited, and how I have this much energy, the answer is WellMaxx’s delicious nootropic-colostrum-infused wellness shakes. If you’re interested, see me after class, and I can get you some shakes. I can also talk to you about WellMaxx’s partner program that allows you to join my downline, become your own boss, and make a ton of money. Let’s have a good semester.
